Chapter Eleven: Newer, Maybe Better

Jude was the first of the triplets to grow into a teenager. He apparently just has to be different, so he cut his hair into a mow-hawk. I’m not really fond of it, but I know from experience that there are much worse ways he could be rebelling, so I won’t say anything.

Zane grew up next, into quite a dashing young man, in my opinion.

Finally it was Willow’s turn. Finally, I was actually able to see one of my children grow up again. She aged up so beautifully. Even though I try to save money on their clothes, I just couldn’t resist when she begged for that dress. It’s so cute on her.

I quit my job at the hospital and started working at the school. One of my co-workers, Yanna, dropped by one night. I have to admit, she’s a very nice woman, but I was so tired that she wasn’t able to stay long. I never seem to stop being tired, especially now with three teenagers in the house.

Willow and Jude continue to be thick as thieves. I’m glad that they are so close, but I’m hoping that they’ll start bringing some friends over soon.

Michael continues to build his social life, though he still makes trips to the junk yard to rifle through the dumpsters. His new friend is Sonia Thoreau. She came home after school with Zane, but it was Michael that she spent hours talking to. Though I’d never want him to end up like me, I do hope he finds himself a girlfriend. This Sonia girl seems very nice and she’s certainly pretty.

Zane is pouring himself into the computer more and more. Sometimes he even makes some money from whatever he’s doing. I keep asking him what it is – I’m concerned it’s less than legal – but he just tells me he’s “solving what can’t be solved.” Whatever that means. I’m at least glad for how smart he is. He’s such an intelligent young man.

I am so tired of everything breaking. It seems like there’s a constant influx of broken sinks and showers and clogged toilets that I have to deal with. One day, I swear, I’ll be able to buy high quality things again.

Michael came back from one of his excursions to the junk yard excited and lugging a tv. He was sure that we could get it to work and replace the old staticky thing we have. He tried to fix it himself but I wouldn’t let him. I’ve fixed a lot more objects than he has, so I know my way around wonky wiring much better. Sure enough, it wasn’t long before that thing was working! I couldn’t believe it – we finally got a decent tv. Admittedly, not the way I would’ve imagined, but nonetheless.

In the same trip, Michael also found a trash compactor. I was going to fix it up after I relaxed a little, but Jude got out there. And he fixed it, too! I was a little upset, because I know how dangerous broken appliances can be, but I’m also quite proud of him for fixing it up.

Michael became an adult. I can’t describe how I feel. I can still remember so clearly how hard it was when I got pregnant with him, how much I had to struggle for everything. We’re still struggling, but our lives are so much better than they were at the start. And now my darling Michael is a young adult.

I wiped tears from my eyes and asked him, “Well, Mikey, what do you want to do now? Do you want to get your own place.”

He smiled a little but shook his head. “You know we don’t have the money for that, Mom.”

I waved him off. “If you want to go out on your own, I’ll take out a loan. I hear that the rates at the business office are fair.”

He came over to me and hugged me tight. “That’s okay, Mom. I’d like to stay and help out for a while.”

“You know you don’t have to do that. You’ve got your own life to lead. And what about that girl you keep having over? Sonia?”

He gave me another quick squeeze. “She’s still a teenager, so I’m in no rush to move out. I want to stay.”

I finally gave up the argument then, but I wouldn’t back down on getting him his own room. We didn’t have a lot of spare cash, but we had enough to expand a little and get him his own bedroom.

That very night, before he went to bed, he sat down at the computer and applied for a position at city hall.

Chapter Ten: Growing

My job at the hospital wasn’t going well. I’ve got no time to play the brain games that would sharpen my mind and prepare me for furthering myself in this field. Not to mention I don’t have the money for books to help me. I needed to find another job, but I hardly had a moment’s time to think at home, much less look through the want ads.

Michael is still going to the junkyard. Now that he’s older, though, he doesn’t waste his time on the scrap piles. Instead he dives into the dumpsters. I hate that he’s doing it, so some days, if I can manage to find the time, I’ll go myself and do it. It hasn’t really amounted to much, but I guess we need every little bit we can get. I’m trying to save up so we can expand the apartment a little more and build a second bedroom.

One day, out of the blue, I decided to call Bryce. I hadn’t heard much from him since we graduated and that made me sad. He had been such a good friend to me during school.

“Hello?” I couldn’t help but smile at his familiar voice.

“Hey, Bryce. It’s Lorie Strickland. From school.”

“Oh, hey Lorie!” To my surprised, he sounded excited to be hearing from me. “How are you doing?”

I took a seat at the kitchen table, trying to ignore the dirty dish that I should be washing instead of talking on the phone. “Oh, I’m doing okay…I had more kids. Triplets, actually.”

There was a shocked pause. “Triplets? Wow.”

“Yeah.” I laughed a little. “It was really stupid of me, but I finally did break it off with Mike. I should’ve seen how scummy he was.”

“I think he has a lot of people fooled. People like him a really good at making sure they get what they want.”

“You can say that again.” I looked around my sad little kitchen, feeling so lonely, even though the triplets were all playing in the other room. “You want to come over? I mean, you know the place I live isn’t so great, but we could catch up.”

There was a smile in his voice as he agreed. After we hung up, I hurriedly tried to tidy up the apartment.

I wasn’t really prepared for what a handsome man he’d become. He was going to make some girl very happy, I knew. It was so great catching up with him. As it turns out, he’s seeing a girl named Alaina. I was happy for him but, strangely, a little sad too. Which was silly. He was my friend and nothing more.

I threw myself into work, despite not being at all qualified for my job at the hospital. Because of it, I missed the triplets birthday. They grew up into darling little children while I was at the hospital. At least all the time I’d been putting in had paid off. I was able to afford the second bedroom and even another bathroom. With five of us in the apartment, we needed that bathroom almost more than the bedroom.

Jude is the only one to have Mike’s hair, though Michael’s is a little darker than mine. Zane and Willow both have my bright red hair.

Jude and Willow seem to be especially close. A twin bond, i would call if, if they weren’t triplets. As nice as it is, I sometimes worry that Zane is being left out.

In more exciting news, Michael invited a girl over! I don’t know if he’s got a girlfriend or not, but it’s a relief to see him having someone over. Victoria seems like a nice girl, though I didn’t get to spend much time talking with her.

After expanding the apartment, we’re pretty broke now, but that’s not getting me down. The kids are growing up well, Michael is starting to have a social life. All in all, I think, things are looking up.

Chapter Eight: You Must Be Joking

Triplets.

I had known that my life was about to change dramatically, but had had absolutely no idea that this was even possible. Multiples didn’t run in my family. How could I have had triplets? Yet, somehow, I had two new sons, Jude and Zane, and a little daughter, Willow.

My landlord really was a godsend. A lot of this floor is just unused storage space and, for a fee, he helped me extend the apartment to accommodate the triplets. The cribs, too, he had in storage. They’re ancient and musty, but they’re sound enough. He’ll take the price of them out of my rent. Later I’ll have to make sure he doesn’t charge more than he said he would, but, right now, I’m too tired to care.

Absolutely exhausted from labor and delivery – and emotionally exhausted from this new triple decker challenge – I went to bed. But not for long. I was quickly awoken by a cacophony of infant cries. As soon as I got one baby settled in again, the next needed attention. Even worse, by the time I’d fed everyone, they all needed their diapers changed. It felt like I was on a conveyor belt.

I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t even remotely ready for this. Michael and I had barely gotten by up to this point; I didn’t see how I could possibly pull this off.

The days passed in a blur of school, work, and babies. I didn’t pay attention in class, I just slept or did homework. Exhaustion was my constant companion. Michael continued to be such a delight – going to the scrap yard, cleaning around the house. As much as I hate that he has to shoulder so much responsibility at his age, I’m grateful for it too.

Soon enough, it was his birthday.

My darling little Mikey was now a teenager. I couldn’t help but let a couple of prideful tears fall as I looked at my healthy son.

I was even more proud when the first thing he did was give his little brother a big hug. He’s been so interested in them, and it’s wonderful to see how much he cares for his siblings. I worry sometimes that he sees them as a burden, putting more work on him and leaving us less money, but he’s never anything but kind and gentle with them.

I’d been so caught up in Michael and the triplet’s that I’d forgotten that it was actually my birthday too. I was now an adult, albeit a young one. Remarkably, I could feel a weight lifting from my shoulders. Now I could get a full time job. That would mean more money coming in. I could take better care of my not so small family. I didn’t have to be so afraid of someone taking my kids away.

“Come here,” I said in a choked voice and pulled Michael into a tight hug. We were going to be alright, the five of us. I was going to support us. Times weren’t going to be so lean anymore. I pulled back and squeezed Michael’s biceps hard. “I don’t want you getting a part time job.”

He frowned at me. “But Mom, we – ”

“I mean it. You do more than enough around here. I want you to be a normal teenager. Go get a girlfriend – or a boyfriend, if that’s your thing. Stay out late – but not too late!” I smiled and hugged him again. “I love you so much, Michael, but I want you to focus on your schoolwork and being a kid while you can. Take it from someone who knows; you can’t go back.”

I don’t know if that got his attention. I hope it did. I just had to pray that he wouldn’t turn out like me. Or like Mike. The father who sometimes remembered to pay his child support, who hadn’t come to see the triplets, and who barely talked to Michael on the phone. The man I loved – thought I loved? – felt like a stranger to me.

The triplets are growing so fast. I couldn’t be there to watch them become toddlers like I was for Michael. I was at work. I hope that things will be different now that I can get a full time job. I’d like to be able to be home when the Michael, and later the Jude, Zane, and Willow, get back from school. I guess we’ll just see what happens. I shouldn’t let myself get too hopeful. Nothing good tends to come of it.

Chapter Seven: What Have I Done

That warm, fuzzy feeling quickly fled in the face of the all-consuming, soul-crushing nausea that pulled me from sleep and sent me sprinting to the toilet. As I heaved into the dingy bowl, I could only scream in my head, “No! No! This can’t be happening!” Surely, it had to be something I’d eaten. Or a stomach virus. Something I’d picked up at school or at work. I tried to convince myself of that, but I knew the truth.

After I finished hugging porcelain, I laid down on the old, grimy tile and cried. I was barely hanging on with just myself and Michael. How – how – could I support another kid? Not only would I have to pay for food and clothes, I’d also need to buy another crib and another high chair because I’d sold Michael’s. We needed the money, and I never dreamed this would happen. I had to be the most fertile girl on the planet to be in this predicament again.

After dusting myself off, I got up and got to work. I needed every nickle and dime I could scrape together now more than ever. Michael had gone out to the park to play, so I spent a long time slaving at the computer, driven by fear and desperation.

The confirmation of my pregnancy came while I was working. I wanted to cry again, but I didn’t let myself.

“No more crying,” I vowed to myself. “Time to put on your big girl panties.”

I couldn’t let myself drown in self pity or keep kicking myself for my stupidity. I know how stupid I was to go to bed with Mike again – so, so stupid – but I couldn’t focus on it. I had to focus on Michael and the new life I was bringing into the world.

When Michael came home, he showed me a big pile of scrap he’d collected. He told me that he hadn’t actually gone to the park; he’d really gone to the junk yard to salvage some scrap that I could sell, since he knows how tight money is. I wanted to break my new no-crying policy right there, but I didn’t. I hugged him and thanked him. Then, when he went to bed, I got to work again. This wasn’t the life I wanted for my son. I wanted him to go to the park and the movies. He shouldn’t have to spend hours digging in the junkyard just to scrounge a hundred simoleons worth of scrap.

Michael continues to be such a good boy. He comes home from school and does his homework right away. When I get home from work, we eat dinner, and then I do my homework. Tonight, while I was sitting at the table working on math, he got up at the sink and started cleaning.

“Mikey, what are you doing? You don’t have to do that.”

He turned to me and said in his soft, gentle voice. “It’s okay, Mom. I want to help out. I’m not big enough to do laundry or anything yet, but I can help clean the apartment.”

Tears that I refused to shed welled in my eyes and I pulled my son into a fierce hug. I was so proud and yet so sad at the same time. I don’t know how I managed to raise such a selfless, generous boy, but I’m so grateful to have him. Part of me, though, regrets that he doesn’t feel as if he can be a normal kid who spends hours playing on the computer or watching tv. At his age, I never would’ve even dreamed of helping out around the house.

My son wasn’t going to be the only one working around the house. Even though I was so tired I felt ready to sleep on the floor, I unclogged the toilet and mopped up the floor after Michael went to bed. I hate this apartment. I miss the nice things that I was raised with. The toilets that didn’t clog, the showers that always had hot water, the pristine appliances. I miss it for myself and for Michael, who has never known real comfort. My mother may have been a horrible, horrible woman, but at least she never denied me the fine things she enjoyed.

I waited until I couldn’t wait any longer to tell Michael he was going to be a big brother. I knew he wouldn’t really understand how things were going to change yet, but I still couldn’t seem to find the right words. Especially after telling Mike. I hadn’t even been able to speak to him in person. Every time I called, he said he was too busy to come over and that he wasn’t at his place, so I couldn’t go to him.

Finally, on the last call, I blew out a sharp breath. “Fine, I’ll just tell you now. You got me pregnant.”

“What, you mean again?”

He sounded so flippant that I actually wanted to throttle him. “Of course that’s what I mean.”

“You’re really bleeding me dry with this child support, you know that.”

I tell him he’s going to have another child and that is what he’s worried about? A measly additional fifty simoleons every check? When he even remembered to pay it. “Oh, because one hundred simoleons will be such a struggle for you with your full time job. I don’t even make seventy in a day, Mike. Michael and this baby are as much your responsibility as they are mine.”

I could hear him pacing through the phone. “I didn’t ask for this responsibility.”

“Do you think I did?!” I couldn’t help yelling and was glad I was having this phone call while Michael was at school. I had stayed him today because I was so heavily pregnant. I pinched the bridge of my nose and then rubbed my swollen belly. I was so much heavier this time than I was with Michael. “You know, whatever, Mike. I’ll call you after I deliver.” I hung up without giving him a chance to respond.

Anyway, I really did wait until the last possible moment to tell Michael because I went into labor almost as soon as the words passed my lips. He freaked out, of course. He’d never seen his mom in so much pain. Between clenched teeth I asked him if he’d be okay staying here. As soon as he said he would be, I rushed off to the hospital.

Despite the amount of pain I was in, I hesitated as I approached the hospital doors. I knew that when I left this building, my life will have changed completely yet again. With a deep breath, I walked inside.

Chapter Six: Hindsight is 20/20

I called Mike and we met at a park near my building. I don’t know why he didn’t want to come straight to m apartment and I didn’t bother pressing for a reason. His appearance shocked me when he showed up. The military? What on earth was my Mike, my dreamer, doing working for the military of all things?

We talked for a while. He could see that I was upset with him; he explained to me how busy he’d been with work. He said all he could do at night was come home and drop into bed, exhausted. I’m not sure I believed him, but his eyes were so guileless, they made me want to trust him, believe in him again.

After a short while, we went back to my apartment. He didn’t say anything about what a hovel it was, which made me fall for him all over again. He saw what I was used to and knows what a come down this is for me, but he doesn’t tell me about it. He gushed about what a looker Michael is.

“He looks just like me,” he beamed as he tickled Mikey.

I laughed. “Yeah, except for being a ginger.”

Mike grinned at me crookedly. “Hey now, I happen to like one ginger very much.” I couldn’t help the flush that suffused my face.

Mike drew me into his arms and I knew the look in his eye. I felt my own passion start to stir, but how could I give in to that again? It had already been proved to me quite clearly that Mike and I weren’t so great at contraception.

“Mike, we shouldn’t.” I put my hands on his chest, but didn’t push away. It felt so good to be held in his strong arms again, to have his body pressed close to mine.

He dipped his head and murmured against my lips, “Lorie.” He didn’t have to say anything else. I melted. I’m ashamed to say what came next, but I think it’s pretty clear where we went from there…

He didn’t stay the night.

The next morning, I spent some time watching Michael play. I’m so thankful to my aunt for sending the doll to him. She and my mother don’t get along, but she wanted to send something when she heard about Michael. It’s good that he’s got it, since I can’t afford any other toys for him.

It’s a weekend day, so it’s time to get some chores done. Which includes my least favorite task of all: bill paying.

I finally had the time to finish teaching Mikey to walk.

And just in time too! My little boy is now a child! I’m so overwhelmed with feelings now. I’m still a teenager myself and here I am with a child ready to start school. But I’m also so proud of him – and even of myself. I wasn’t sure I could make it even this far.

The next morning we had breakfast together. It was nice sitting together at the table, even if the food did taste a bit like fridge.

Later on, Mike came over again. I almost couldn’t believe it, but it also made me hopeful that maybe things would change. I want Mike and our son to have a real relationship, not just a child support check between them.

When Michael went downstairs to play, Mike pulled me into his arms again. All the fight I’d had in me yesterday was gone. My shaky faith was starting to be restored in Mike. Maybe now he was starting to see how precious our son is. Maybe he’s started to see that he wants to be around us both more.

We had to be quick, but all our clothes were back in order by the time Michael came back upstairs. Mike didn’t stay the night again, but I didn’t let it worry me. I went to bed with a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my stomach.

Chapter Five: Responsibilities Are Hard

The next morning, I got up and went to class, leaving Michael with a babysitter. Having grown up with them, whenever I wasn’t at boarding school, I knew how hit or miss those could be. I just hoped that whoever he got would earn the seventy-five simoleons I couldn’t afford to pay them.

At school, I saw Bryce again. He could see how exhausted I was and helped me do my homework during lunch.

“Not that I think you should,” he began, “but have you thought about dropping out?”

“Yeah.” Of course I had. I knew it was going to be next to impossible to raise Michael while working and going to school.

“Are you going to?”

I shook my head. “I have to set a good example, right? At least if I finish school, I might not look like a complete screw up to Michael.”

He scowled. “You are not a screw up.”

I disagreed, but I didn’t want to argue with him. I had messed up in a huge, spectacular way by getting pregnant and now I was sure living with the consequences.

I was still worried about the babysitter when I went into work, and I had a sudden idea and called Bryce.

“Hey, Bryce?” I said when he answered the phone. “Do you think you could do me a huge favor? I’ll owe you forever.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Could you go over to my apartment and hang out until I get home? I don’t know who the agency sent to watch Michael and I’m really worried they’re just playing on the computer instead of minding him.”

“Oh, of course, no problem.”

I couldn’t thank him fervently enough after I gave him my address. I went into my first day of work feeling much better than I had all day.

I got home just in time for Michael’s birthday! I was so proud to see him grow up into a toddler I had to turn away for a minute so Bryce wouldn’t see me trying not to cry.

My little boy had gotten so big and was so adorable. How as he a toddler already? The time seemed to have just flown by.

After celebrating Michael’s birthday, I got out the leftover autumn salad from the night before and Bryce and I sat down to dinner. It was a pretty meager fare, nothing like I hope to be able to put together one day, but it didn’t taste like fridge and Bryce didn’t complain.

I talked with him and he said that the babysitter had done his job and that I didn’t have to worry. The sitter may have just done better because Bryce was there, but he said that Michael seemed to be perfectly fine when he got there, so I’m still greatly relieved.

I asked him to stay the night. I don’t know why, really, or what I wanted to happen. Nothing did, by the way. I slept in the bed and he crashed on the couch. Still, it was kind of nice having someone else in the apartment. As I fell asleep, I thought about Mike. Did he have someone in that big house with him? Was there another woman? Or was he just busy with “grown up” stuff? That idea seemed ludicrous to me. I’m the one with the “grown up” stuff. He barely remembers to pay his child support.

One thing I certainly wasn’t prepared for: broken objects. Mom always either had the best of everything or she called a repairman to take care of things. There’s no way I can afford a repair man, so I have to – somehow – fix things myself.

Getting sprayed in the face by the broken shower was some way to start my morning.

After feeding Michael in his high chair, I made myself something. I don’t get to cook half as much as I like to. It’s not even that I don’t have the time for it – though I don’t – it’s that I can’t afford the grocery bill. In this household, one meal has to stretch until it goes bad. And sometimes you still have to eat it.

Another part of adult life I never really gave much thought to and definitely don’t like; paying bills. It seems as if I take one step forward and two steps back when it comes to money.

Teaching Michael to talk is a joy. He’s such a bright, happy boy. I know I should’ve waited until I graduated to have a baby, but I can’t feel any regrets when I’m looking at him. No, those come when I’m at work or at school or lying in bed trying to sleep. Or when I’m trying to figure out how to pay the bills and feed us at the same time.

I started teaching him to walk shortly after learning to talk. I am so proud of my intelligent little boy. I hope he’ll have the best characteristics of myself and Mike and none of our flaws.

In the morning, Mikey ate his breakfast while I had some quick leftovers before work. Today after work, I was going to see Mike, by hook or by crook.

Chapter Four: Hardship Truly Begins

I had no sooner gotten home with Michael than I remembered – there wasn’t a scrap of food in the house. We had to turn right back around and go to the grocery store. Even buying only the basics, I still only have fifty simoleons to my name when I left there.

I got home and held my son close as tears threatened me again. I had never truly had to take care of myself before. My childhood may have been lonely, but it was filled with the finest things money could buy. Somehow, I had to make sure we both had food in our bellies. The first step towards that was getting a job.

I laid Michael down in the cheap, old crib that wasn’t nearly as nice as he deserved and then hopped on the computer. Whatever part time work was available, I’d take it. I thought about trying to get a full time job, but then thought that might be too risky. Some people might turn a blind eye to a teenager living alone with a baby, but someone might turn me in and take Michael away from me.

There was a listing for a receptionist at the spa. Oh, wouldn’t that just be fantastic, seeing Mom every time she came in for an expensive treatment. I considered looking for something else, but the spa was close to my apartment and I would have the weekends off, so I could catch up on school work and spend time with Michael. I didn’t really have a choice, so I took the job. I’d just have to hope Mom came in before my shift started.

Finally, I fell into bed, utterly exhausted and looking forward to a good night’s sleep.

Except there is no such thing as that when you have a baby, as I quickly learned.

I fed and changed Michael and held him close while I cooed to him. It wasn’t his fault that I was so, so tired. He was a baby. He had needs and I was his mommy, the one person in the world that he could rely on. His father ought to be here with me, but I haven’t even talked to Mike since I left his house.

After another hour or two of terrible sleep, I got up and hopped on the computer to work from my apartment. I had bills that needed to be paid, groceries that needed to be bought. Sooner rather than later, Michael was going to need a bed to sleep in. I didn’t know if I could count on Mike for support, so I had to work as much as I could.

I was working when Bryce called, wondering why I hadn’t been to school. I knew I had to tell him.

I looked over at Michael, asleep in his crib. “I, um, I had a baby.”

There was a heartbeat of silence and then a shocked, “What?”

“Yeah, I, um, I had a baby. You know, my boyfriend, Mike, who graduated recently? Yeah…” I felt so ashamed. As much love as I had for Michael, I knew I wasn’t in the right place in life to be having a child.

“Oh, wow. Are you okay?”

I sat down at the desk, trying not to cry. Here was this boy who didn’t really know me that well asking me if I was alright, when the father of my child hadn’t even called to check in. “Yeah,” I said shakily, not wanting him to know how much it meant to me. “Yeah, I’m doing alright. I got an apartment.”

“Your parents kicked you out?” He sounded shocked, as if he couldn’t imagine such a thing. I guess he had better parents.

“My mom did, yeah. But it’s alright,” I said, trying to sound upbeat. “I got myself a job working at the spa and Mikey and I have our own little apartment. It’ll be great.”

“Sure it will.” His voice was unsure, but he was trying to be supportive.

After a few minutes, I got off the phone and went into the kitchen for something to eat. I’m sure Michael will need something soon, so I need to see to my own needs whenever I can. The high chair I got him really is cute; I just wish it hadn’t been so expensive. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some money for it when he’s grown out of it. That was what my life had become. Selling my infant son’s used things for whatever scrap of money I could get for it. That depressing thought made me want to cry again, but I didn’t. Michael had started to cry, so I got up to take care of him.

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I said to myself as I picked him up. “Whatever it takes.”

Chapter Three: On Her Own

The next morning I got up early before mom. I couldn’t stomach the idea of eating; not because of nausea, but because I was too stressed. I tried playing a little foosball before leaving for school to try to take my mind off my current predicament. It didn’t really work, but I felt slightly less stressed when I walked out of the door.

I was in my head all day at school. After one of the classes we had together, Bryce caught me in the hall. “Hey, are you okay?”

No. I was the furthest from okay that a person could be. But I couldn’t tell him that. I couldn’t tell this guy, who I really didn’t actually know that well, that I was a stupid idiot who couldn’t figure out safe sex. I forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just tired.”

He looked at me a little unsure, but he seemed to accept my answer.

After school, I wanted to go to Mike’s. I needed him to reassure me that everything would be okay. After what happened last night, though, I wasn’t so sure of my welcome anymore. He’d always had an open-door policy with me at his apartment, but everything seems to have changed now. So, instead I just went home. I didn’t have the energy to go out to do anything.

I wasn’t expecting Mom to come home so early. She usually holds meetings or goes to the spa or a restaurant at this time of day. There was no way she wouldn’t notice my condition. I tried to just keep doing my homework, hoping she’d leave again without noticing me.

But why should my luck suddenly be good all of a sudden?

She turned around and saw me and the unmistakable bump under my shirt. “What the hell is that, Lorie?”

I froze and slowly put my homework away before getting to my feet. I wanted to lie, to fabricate a story that wouldn’t make me look like the irresponsible teenager I obviously was. But I didn’t, largely because there was no possible story I could concoct that would make this okay. “Mom…I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”

“‘I’m sorry, I made a mistake,'” she taunted in a horrible imitation of my voice. “You stupid little shit. If you think I’m raising this baby, you can think again.”

I bristled. “Why would I think that? You didn’t even raise me!”

“Why should I have? I never wanted you.” She glared at me with eyes of ice. “I’m not spending one penny on that little bastard. Or you. Get the hell out of my house.”

“Mom, please,” I started to beg. Where would I go if she threw me out? Mike had made it clear he didn’t want me to live with him. I had a little money from my allowance saved up, but not that much. I would’ve got down on my knees and pleaded at that point.

She raised her hand as if prepared to slap me, but she restrained herself. “You are nothing to me anymore. Get the hell out of my house and I don’t want to ever see you here again.” She stormed over to the door. “I’m going out, and if you’re here when I get back, I’m calling the police.”

As the door slammed after her, I started to cry. What was I going to do? How was I going to survive? I felt the little life in me moving around and I hugged my stomach, as if my thin arms could protect us both from the hard life we were about to have.

“It’s fine,” I said to the empty apartment. “We will be fine.”

So upset I was shaking, I made myself a meal and sat down to eat. Who knew if I’d even have grocery money by the time I’d rented an apartment and bough the baby stuff I was going to need. Maybe Mike would at least pitch in for a crib. The doubt I had in him now hurt so terribly. Two days ago, he could’ve told me that he hung the moon himself and I would’ve believed him.

I looked around the apartment for anything that was mine, even though I hadn’t lived here long enough to have spread items about. That’s when I saw the little boom box on the desk by the computer. It was a cheap item, not like the stereo in the living room. Mom would never miss such a cheap little thing. But maybe it would pay for a crib or a high chair. Without letting myself think about it too much, I swiped it. I needed whatever simoleons I could get for it, Mom didn’t. To me, it was that simple. It had to be.

Then I left the apartment and went on the hunt for my own.

It was such a sharp turn away from what I was used to. I couldn’t believe how much this tiny, ugly apartment cost. Part of it, of course, was the bribe money I’d had to give the landlord. He wasn’t supposed to rent to teens without an adult living with them, but, for a price, he’d make an exception.

I guess that beggars can’t be choosers, though. And I was very nearly a beggar at this point. I sold my camera and the boom box to help pay for the apartment and the baby stuff. I was thankfully able to find an old crib at the thrift shop, but the high chair would have to be new.

I was just on my way to get groceries when the labor hit. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced and it kept getting worse on the way to the hospital and through the delivery. It was like I was being split in half. Why would women voluntarily put themselves through this?

My son, Michael Strickland, was born late that evening. I named him after his father because, despite whatever doubts I’m having, I know that Mike is a good man and I love him.

I wasn’t prepared for all of the feelings that holding my son instilled. I’d been so unsure about the pregnancy and the future, but, for a brief little moment, all of that drifted away as I looked into my darling son’s face. He’s so beautiful and innocent. I didn’t think I’d love him as much as I do, but how can I not love this little piece of myself and Mike? Before I held him in my arms, I didn’t understand why women endured labor, but now I do. I know life is going to be hard, but I’ll do anything to make sure my son is happy and healthy.