Chapter Twelve: Willow and Jude

I have always felt so much closer to my brother, Jude, than anyone else. Michael was older and it always seemed like he was more of a parent than a sibling. Zane was all nerdy, always playing chess. We had nothing in common. But Jude, he and I connected.

Some times when we talked and Mom or Michael weren’t around, our conversations would take a…turn. I don’t know how it started but one night Jude was making a joke and then suddenly it wasn’t just a joke anymore. It had an undertone that wasn’t actually all that subtle. Was he flirting??? I felt shocked but also…I wasn’t.

Mom came into the room then and ushered us all off to bed. As I lay in my bunk bed, I thought about what had happened. Did I want that? Jude was my brother. He shouldn’t be flirting with me. And I shouldn’t feel all giddy inside, hoping he’ll do it again.

But it is what I want. I can feel it deep inside me, in my bones. Jude is my other half. We run on the same wavelength. It was always going to be this way, I realized. Maybe it was wrong to love my brother the way I do, but I can’t make myself care.

As I had hoped, the flirting did continue. I wasn’t brave enough to initiate it on my own, but Jude had no such inhibitions. Finally, one day, he leaned in and snuck a kiss. When he pulled back, his eyes were a little wary. Up to this point we had flirted and done a little hand holding, but nothing overtly “wrong.”

I blushed profusely – damn my red hair – and ducked my chin a little, looking up at him from under my lashes, suddenly shy.

He smiled a little. “Was that okay?”

I couldn’t contain the smile that broke over my face. “Yes. It was perfect.” My first kiss. Our first kiss. There was no going back, not that I wanted to.

Whenever Mom was out, Jude and I were sneaking around, growing bolder. All I wanted was to be with him and I wasn’t ashamed of it, but we had to hide anyway. Mom loves us, I know she does, otherwise she wouldn’t work so hard to provide for us, but incest is a lot to accept. If she knew how Jude and I felt, she could throw us out. Or, maybe worse, send one or both of us away to separate boarding schools.

We were just relaxing on Michael’s bed one day. I know now how it may have looked, but we started out innocently enough. Michael was in the living room working out and Zane was plugging away at the computer. We just wanted a little peace and quiet, so Michael let us hang out in his room.

Our conversation invariably turned flirtatious, as it always seems to do when we’re alone. But now, with nothing to interrupt us, our holding and kissing went further.

Our first time. It was amazing and awkward and it hurt a little but it was so beautiful anyway. I know Jude had to be as nervous as I was, but he took his time with me. I don’t know where he learned to touch me the way he did – maybe the internet, you can find anything there – but he made sure I was ready before he took me.

Afterwards, I expected guilt to set in, but it didn’t. I was okay with loving my brother. I had already accepted it. Love making was the natural conclusion of our love, in my opinion.

I rested my head on Jude’s chest and looked up at him. “Was it good?”

He smiled and hugged me tight, then buried his face in my hair. “It was amazing, Willow. I love you.”

I held onto him harder. “I love you too.”

We couldn’t linger long. I could hear that the workout music had gone quiet, so Michael would be wondering why we were still holed up in his room. We got up and fanned the sheets, so that hopefully the smell of sex would dissipate from them. I don’t think Michael knows yet what is going on. Zane does because he caught us kissing in the kitchen, but he hasn’t said a word to us or to Mom, so I guess he doesn’t care. We left the bedroom, leaving the door open so it would air out, and tried to look like something monumental hadn’t happened.

That night I laid in my bed, aching to be able to sleep next to Jude, but also so happy. I loved and was loved. Our apartment may be dingy and our clothes may be second hand, but I had everything I needed.

Chapter Eleven: Newer, Maybe Better

Jude was the first of the triplets to grow into a teenager. He apparently just has to be different, so he cut his hair into a mow-hawk. I’m not really fond of it, but I know from experience that there are much worse ways he could be rebelling, so I won’t say anything.

Zane grew up next, into quite a dashing young man, in my opinion.

Finally it was Willow’s turn. Finally, I was actually able to see one of my children grow up again. She aged up so beautifully. Even though I try to save money on their clothes, I just couldn’t resist when she begged for that dress. It’s so cute on her.

I quit my job at the hospital and started working at the school. One of my co-workers, Yanna, dropped by one night. I have to admit, she’s a very nice woman, but I was so tired that she wasn’t able to stay long. I never seem to stop being tired, especially now with three teenagers in the house.

Willow and Jude continue to be thick as thieves. I’m glad that they are so close, but I’m hoping that they’ll start bringing some friends over soon.

Michael continues to build his social life, though he still makes trips to the junk yard to rifle through the dumpsters. His new friend is Sonia Thoreau. She came home after school with Zane, but it was Michael that she spent hours talking to. Though I’d never want him to end up like me, I do hope he finds himself a girlfriend. This Sonia girl seems very nice and she’s certainly pretty.

Zane is pouring himself into the computer more and more. Sometimes he even makes some money from whatever he’s doing. I keep asking him what it is – I’m concerned it’s less than legal – but he just tells me he’s “solving what can’t be solved.” Whatever that means. I’m at least glad for how smart he is. He’s such an intelligent young man.

I am so tired of everything breaking. It seems like there’s a constant influx of broken sinks and showers and clogged toilets that I have to deal with. One day, I swear, I’ll be able to buy high quality things again.

Michael came back from one of his excursions to the junk yard excited and lugging a tv. He was sure that we could get it to work and replace the old staticky thing we have. He tried to fix it himself but I wouldn’t let him. I’ve fixed a lot more objects than he has, so I know my way around wonky wiring much better. Sure enough, it wasn’t long before that thing was working! I couldn’t believe it – we finally got a decent tv. Admittedly, not the way I would’ve imagined, but nonetheless.

In the same trip, Michael also found a trash compactor. I was going to fix it up after I relaxed a little, but Jude got out there. And he fixed it, too! I was a little upset, because I know how dangerous broken appliances can be, but I’m also quite proud of him for fixing it up.

Michael became an adult. I can’t describe how I feel. I can still remember so clearly how hard it was when I got pregnant with him, how much I had to struggle for everything. We’re still struggling, but our lives are so much better than they were at the start. And now my darling Michael is a young adult.

I wiped tears from my eyes and asked him, “Well, Mikey, what do you want to do now? Do you want to get your own place.”

He smiled a little but shook his head. “You know we don’t have the money for that, Mom.”

I waved him off. “If you want to go out on your own, I’ll take out a loan. I hear that the rates at the business office are fair.”

He came over to me and hugged me tight. “That’s okay, Mom. I’d like to stay and help out for a while.”

“You know you don’t have to do that. You’ve got your own life to lead. And what about that girl you keep having over? Sonia?”

He gave me another quick squeeze. “She’s still a teenager, so I’m in no rush to move out. I want to stay.”

I finally gave up the argument then, but I wouldn’t back down on getting him his own room. We didn’t have a lot of spare cash, but we had enough to expand a little and get him his own bedroom.

That very night, before he went to bed, he sat down at the computer and applied for a position at city hall.

Chapter Ten: Growing

My job at the hospital wasn’t going well. I’ve got no time to play the brain games that would sharpen my mind and prepare me for furthering myself in this field. Not to mention I don’t have the money for books to help me. I needed to find another job, but I hardly had a moment’s time to think at home, much less look through the want ads.

Michael is still going to the junkyard. Now that he’s older, though, he doesn’t waste his time on the scrap piles. Instead he dives into the dumpsters. I hate that he’s doing it, so some days, if I can manage to find the time, I’ll go myself and do it. It hasn’t really amounted to much, but I guess we need every little bit we can get. I’m trying to save up so we can expand the apartment a little more and build a second bedroom.

One day, out of the blue, I decided to call Bryce. I hadn’t heard much from him since we graduated and that made me sad. He had been such a good friend to me during school.

“Hello?” I couldn’t help but smile at his familiar voice.

“Hey, Bryce. It’s Lorie Strickland. From school.”

“Oh, hey Lorie!” To my surprised, he sounded excited to be hearing from me. “How are you doing?”

I took a seat at the kitchen table, trying to ignore the dirty dish that I should be washing instead of talking on the phone. “Oh, I’m doing okay…I had more kids. Triplets, actually.”

There was a shocked pause. “Triplets? Wow.”

“Yeah.” I laughed a little. “It was really stupid of me, but I finally did break it off with Mike. I should’ve seen how scummy he was.”

“I think he has a lot of people fooled. People like him a really good at making sure they get what they want.”

“You can say that again.” I looked around my sad little kitchen, feeling so lonely, even though the triplets were all playing in the other room. “You want to come over? I mean, you know the place I live isn’t so great, but we could catch up.”

There was a smile in his voice as he agreed. After we hung up, I hurriedly tried to tidy up the apartment.

I wasn’t really prepared for what a handsome man he’d become. He was going to make some girl very happy, I knew. It was so great catching up with him. As it turns out, he’s seeing a girl named Alaina. I was happy for him but, strangely, a little sad too. Which was silly. He was my friend and nothing more.

I threw myself into work, despite not being at all qualified for my job at the hospital. Because of it, I missed the triplets birthday. They grew up into darling little children while I was at the hospital. At least all the time I’d been putting in had paid off. I was able to afford the second bedroom and even another bathroom. With five of us in the apartment, we needed that bathroom almost more than the bedroom.

Jude is the only one to have Mike’s hair, though Michael’s is a little darker than mine. Zane and Willow both have my bright red hair.

Jude and Willow seem to be especially close. A twin bond, i would call if, if they weren’t triplets. As nice as it is, I sometimes worry that Zane is being left out.

In more exciting news, Michael invited a girl over! I don’t know if he’s got a girlfriend or not, but it’s a relief to see him having someone over. Victoria seems like a nice girl, though I didn’t get to spend much time talking with her.

After expanding the apartment, we’re pretty broke now, but that’s not getting me down. The kids are growing up well, Michael is starting to have a social life. All in all, I think, things are looking up.

Chapter Nine: They Say Change is Good

I called Mike. I was drowning in toddlers and their needs, not to mention I was now working full time at the hospital. The pay was crap; I was barely making anymore than I was at my part time job. I needed his help. Not just his monetary support (though he could stand to pay that more regularly), but his time. I needed him to help me take care of his children.

“Mike, can you come over? I really need your help.”

He exhaled a sharp breath, like the request was such an inconvenience to him. “Look, Lorie, I’d like to but I can’t. I’ve got things to do.”

That made me angry. Real damned angry. “You know what you’ve got to do, Mike? Take care of your children. I need some help and you are their father. You haven’t even come to see them.”

I guess he could tell how angry I was, because he relented. “Fine, fine. I guess I’ll be over in a bit.”

I hung up in a huff. God, how could it have come to this? Begging the man I had dreamed of spending my life with just to help out with his own children.

When he finally got there, I told him the real truth. I didn’t want his help for a couple of hours; I wanted it all the time. I wanted to move in with him. Not even because I missed him. To be honest, I didn’t even think I’d want to share a room with him at this point. But the kids lives would be so much better in the big house he had.

He laughed in my face. “You want to move in together? Lorie, you know I love you, sweetheart, but I don’t want to be a family man or anything. I’m still trying to get my career going.”

“Well, guess what, Mike? You’re a parent. You have four kids. You can’t pretend that you don’t have a responsibility to them.”

He looked down at Zane, playing on the floor. “Yeah, well, I pay you plenty. You could hire a sitter when you need one.”

“I don’t want your stupid money!” I was so frustrated I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I had vowed not to, and, besides, i wouldn’t let him see me break down. “I want your time. I want you to get to know your kids and spend time with them. I want you to be their father.”

He stared at me bluntly and said, “I don’t want to be their father.”

I ended it then. All my illusions about Mike were long gone. He had used me, I realized. Used me to get what he wanted and he had no interest in dealing with the consequences. He didn’t love me. He never had.

“Get out, Mike. Get out and don’t come back. Find some other girl to spread her legs for you.” I laughed sharply. “You’ve probably already got a few.” He tried to say something, defend himself maybe, but I shoved him out of the door and locked it on him. I wish I’d seen through him sooner.

There wasn’t any time for me to dwell on the break up or Mike’s true character. I picked up Willow and held her tight. “My sweet little girl.” I tickled her, making her giggle, the sound like little bells. It brought a smile to my face.

I sat down on our shabby excuse for a couch and hugged her. I didn’t know how, but we’d get through this. There was no other choice. I had nobody but myself to depend on.

Chapter Eight: You Must Be Joking

Triplets.

I had known that my life was about to change dramatically, but had had absolutely no idea that this was even possible. Multiples didn’t run in my family. How could I have had triplets? Yet, somehow, I had two new sons, Jude and Zane, and a little daughter, Willow.

My landlord really was a godsend. A lot of this floor is just unused storage space and, for a fee, he helped me extend the apartment to accommodate the triplets. The cribs, too, he had in storage. They’re ancient and musty, but they’re sound enough. He’ll take the price of them out of my rent. Later I’ll have to make sure he doesn’t charge more than he said he would, but, right now, I’m too tired to care.

Absolutely exhausted from labor and delivery – and emotionally exhausted from this new triple decker challenge – I went to bed. But not for long. I was quickly awoken by a cacophony of infant cries. As soon as I got one baby settled in again, the next needed attention. Even worse, by the time I’d fed everyone, they all needed their diapers changed. It felt like I was on a conveyor belt.

I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t even remotely ready for this. Michael and I had barely gotten by up to this point; I didn’t see how I could possibly pull this off.

The days passed in a blur of school, work, and babies. I didn’t pay attention in class, I just slept or did homework. Exhaustion was my constant companion. Michael continued to be such a delight – going to the scrap yard, cleaning around the house. As much as I hate that he has to shoulder so much responsibility at his age, I’m grateful for it too.

Soon enough, it was his birthday.

My darling little Mikey was now a teenager. I couldn’t help but let a couple of prideful tears fall as I looked at my healthy son.

I was even more proud when the first thing he did was give his little brother a big hug. He’s been so interested in them, and it’s wonderful to see how much he cares for his siblings. I worry sometimes that he sees them as a burden, putting more work on him and leaving us less money, but he’s never anything but kind and gentle with them.

I’d been so caught up in Michael and the triplet’s that I’d forgotten that it was actually my birthday too. I was now an adult, albeit a young one. Remarkably, I could feel a weight lifting from my shoulders. Now I could get a full time job. That would mean more money coming in. I could take better care of my not so small family. I didn’t have to be so afraid of someone taking my kids away.

“Come here,” I said in a choked voice and pulled Michael into a tight hug. We were going to be alright, the five of us. I was going to support us. Times weren’t going to be so lean anymore. I pulled back and squeezed Michael’s biceps hard. “I don’t want you getting a part time job.”

He frowned at me. “But Mom, we – ”

“I mean it. You do more than enough around here. I want you to be a normal teenager. Go get a girlfriend – or a boyfriend, if that’s your thing. Stay out late – but not too late!” I smiled and hugged him again. “I love you so much, Michael, but I want you to focus on your schoolwork and being a kid while you can. Take it from someone who knows; you can’t go back.”

I don’t know if that got his attention. I hope it did. I just had to pray that he wouldn’t turn out like me. Or like Mike. The father who sometimes remembered to pay his child support, who hadn’t come to see the triplets, and who barely talked to Michael on the phone. The man I loved – thought I loved? – felt like a stranger to me.

The triplets are growing so fast. I couldn’t be there to watch them become toddlers like I was for Michael. I was at work. I hope that things will be different now that I can get a full time job. I’d like to be able to be home when the Michael, and later the Jude, Zane, and Willow, get back from school. I guess we’ll just see what happens. I shouldn’t let myself get too hopeful. Nothing good tends to come of it.